Everything with no exception is a choice. The choice can be either conscious or unconscious depending on the level of self-awareness. The more self-aware we become, the faster we can make our unconscious choices known to us.” – Raphael Zernoff
I’ve been living less and less consciously as the days go by and I am quite frustrated with myself. Not only because I truly want to live a more conscious life, but because I feel like a fraud. How can I write about living consciously, when I spend so much time in my own head, when I haven’t committed to a regular meditation routine, when I continually react, rather than respond; when I hear myself, over and over, parenting on auto-pilot, doing things I said I do not want to do again. I’ve been running on empty, spending my days taking care of everyone else, running from home to school, from school to home, feeling pulled in three different directions at once and never able to satisfy anyone.
I’m sure at lot of this sounds familiar to parents out there or others with over-committed lives. I’m exhausted, frustrated and disappointed in myself. I need a new plan. I hear my mother laughing in my head because all my life has been a serious of plans: plans dreamed up, plans written down, plans followed, plans dropped, plans made anew. But here I am again, needing a new plan. Because I really want this to work. I really want to live a more conscious life. I want to be more present, more joyful, more alive.
But it isn’t easy.
Sleepwalking through life is easy. Reacting is easy. Lashing out when you are tired, overwhelmed and angry is easy. Living consciously is not easy.
But I need to do it for my children, for my partner, for my family, for myself.
So here is my plan:
1. Start journalling again to bring more consciousness and reflection to my days.
2. Make a list of reminders of how to live more consciously and put it in a prominent place.
3. Put my to-do list in a place I can check it regularly to keep from feeling overwhelmed.
4. Come up with a thoughtful way to handle the afternoons at home with the kids so everyone’s needs are met.
5. Make a schedule to get regular exercise and stick to it.
6. Put my Conscious Parenting Notebook somewhere I will refer to it daily.
And now to forgive myself for my transgressions, pick myself up off the floor and allow myself a new beginning. Because after all, that is what living a more conscious life is all about. Every moment is a new beginning. Every moment is another choice.
Every moment is another opportunity to be present,
to be grateful,
to be forgiving,
to be joyful,
to be loving,
to be alive.
Thanks for reading! (And listening!)
What about you? Have you had less than conscious periods in your life? What did you do to get back on track? I’d love to hear what has worked for you!
Sharon, Author, The Conscious Parenting Notebook